Damn funny

The tell-tale signs that you're talking to someone from Chicago. Absolutely hilarious and sooooo true...

1. Grachki (grach'-key): Chicagoese for "garage key" as in, "Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki?" And "Howmy supposta cut da grass if I can't git intada grach?"

2. Sammich: Chicagoese for sandwich. When made with sausage, it's a Sassage Sammich; when made with shredded beef, it's an Italian Beef Sammich, a local delicasy consisting of piles of spicy meat in a perilously soggy bun.

3. Da: This article is a key part of Chicago speech, as in Da Bears, or Da Mare---the latter denoting Richard M. Daley, or Richie, as he's often called.

4. Jewels: Not family heirlooms or a tender body region, but a popular name for one of the region's dominant grocery store chains. I'm goin' to Jewels to pick up some sassage.

5. Field's: Marshall Field, a prominent Chicago department store. Also Carson Pirie Scott, another major department store chain, is simply called Carson's.

6. Tree: The number between two and four. We were lucky dat we only got tree inches of snow da udder night.

7. Over by dere: Translates to Over by there, a way of emphasizing a site presumed familiar to the listener. As in, I got da sassage at Jewels down on Kedzie, over by dere.

8. KaminskiPark: The mispronounced name of the ballpark where the Chicago White Sox (da Sox) play baseball. Comiskey Park was recently renamed U.S. Cellular Field (da Cell).

9. Frunchroom: As in, Gotada frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes. It's not the "parlor". It's not the "living room". In the land of the bungalow, it's the "frunchroom," a named derived, linguists believe, from the "front room".

10. Use: Not the verb, but the pluralnoun 'you!' Where use goin'??

11. Downtown: Anywhere near Da Lake, south of Da Zoo (Lincoln Park Zoo) and north of Soldier Field.

12. The Lake: Lake Michigan. (What other lake is there?) It's often used by local weathermen, Cooler by Da Lake.

13. BoysTown: A section on Halsted between Belmont and Addison which is lined with gay bars on both sides of the street. Didn't I see use in Boys Town in front of da Manhole?

14. Braht: Short for Bratwurst. Gimme a braht wit kraut.

15. Goes: Past or present tense of the verb "say". For example, Then he goes, 'I like dis place!'

16. Guys: Used when addressing two or more people, regardless of each individual's gender.
Hey use guys, get over here.

17. Pop: A soft drink. Don't say "soda" in this town. Do you wanna canna pop?

18. Sliders: Nickname for hamburgers from White Castle, a popular midwestern burger chain. Dose sliders I had last night gave me da shits.

19. The Taste: Da Taste of Chicago Festival, a huge extravaganze in Grant Park featuring samples of Chicagoland cuisine which takes place each year around the 4th of July.

20. Jieetyet: Translates to, Did you eat yet?

21. Winter and Construction: Punch line to the joke, What are the two seasons in Chicago?

22. Cuppa Too-Tree: is Chicagoese for "A Couple, two, three", which really means "a few". For example. Hey Mikey, dere any of dem beerz left in da cooler over by dere? Yeh, a cuppa too-tree.

23 588-2300: Every one in Chicago knows this commercial jingle and the carpet company you'll get if you call that number -- Empire! (Famous for their salesmen using 30 inch yard sticks to measure your home for carpeting).

24. Junk Djor: You will usually find the 'junk drawer' in the kitchen filled to the brim with miscellaneous, but very important, junk.

25. Expressways: The Interstates in the immediate Chicagoland area are usually known just by their 'name' and not their Interstate number: Da Dan Ryan, da Stevenson, da Kennedy, da Eisenhower (da "Ike"), and Da Edens.

26. Gym Shoes: The rest of the country may refer to them as sneakers or running shoes, but Chicagoans will always call them gym shoes